Little Tommy Blog: Cheating!

tommycar1 Little Tommy Blog:   Cheating!

He loves her, but she loves him and he loves somebody else, you just can’t win!   I woke up this morning and I watched the news and saw back to back to back stories on famous couples cheating!  From Arnold to Jesse James, it was just terrible to see all these stories.  First of all, I CAN talk about this, because I’m no angel.   In my life, I have cheated and I have been cheated on. 

There’s nothing good or right about cheating.  I know the feeling and the high you get when you make that bad decision and I know the hurt you feel when karma comes right back at you.

There are two things I wish I never did when I was growing up and as I became an adult and that’s doing drugs and cheating.     

I’m sorry to everyone I ever hurt and this dates back all the way to elementary school.  I remember when I first kissed another girl I wasn’t suppose to. I was in 5th grade and I did it because I wanted to be like FONZIE.   How silly that may seem, it makes me realize TODAY that I have to be a good role model, because others might or will follow my lead ESPECIALLY my children.

Being upfront and honest is all I have!

Making those bad decisions even as a kid, amazes me today.   The only good thing to come out of all this is that I am here today being able to say that wasn’t good and I don’t do that anymore.

Why would someone cheat when you have the best person in your life as your girlfriend or your wife?  It’s because we are just stupid.

He cheated on a Kennedy with the housekeeper.  Why did that happen?  I am not saying it as a status thing, but even if Arnold was married to the housekeeper and cheated on her with a Hilton, it’s the same thing.  You have to stay faithful or get out of it and leave the relationship with honor.

Yes, I can say that today and I truly wish I could go back in time and do things all over again, but life doesn’t work that way. 

For each person, the reason why they cheat is different from anyone else.  People have their reasons or their excuses.  It’s a weakness that I hope people can stop.  Can Arnold stop?  Did this scare him to stop?  There will be more stories coming out on Arnold perhaps even by tonight.

I often wonder why I cheated.  I can give a lame list of many things that used to justify it for me, but in reality, I was just weak myself and dumb and stupid and an idiot.

I wish I knew what I know now, when I was younger!

People who have it all feel that sometimes they don’t need to play by the rules.   None of these high powered people should have an excuse other than it was poor judgement.  You can’t blame it on all the girls that hit on you like all those famous rock stars that cheat and you can’t blame it on being lonely because your actress wife Sandra was away for months at a time. 

I get calls from people almost daily that ask me for advice on their kids getting off drugs.   SADLY, I also get calls from people that I know that are finding out they are being cheated on.

It’s almost all the same story that they had a great life and they had everything going for them and then the cheating.

Is it in the man’s genes?  Can he keep it in his jeans?

Men cheat, but women cheat too, but I can’t speak for women, but as a man and as a person that  hurt many people by making dumb choices, I am sorry.    I also forgive the people over the years that have cheated on me.  Yes, what comes around goes around.   That’s true!

It’s not IF you’ll get caught, it’s WHEN!

Please don’t do drugs and please don’t cheat!

THE FOLLOWING was posted on the comments section below and I wanted to showcase it here.  Ron, is a listener and reader of this blog and wrote the following:

Ownership is a big deal too. I have to own it when I have cheated. No one else “made me” cheat. I own my wrong doings and I too am so sorry for all I have hurt in my path of selfishness. For me, forgiveness is the most powerful weapon we have against all forms of sin. When we forgive, it doesn’t remove all of the pain or make it all right, but it does offer people a fresh start. I am so greatful for fresh starts! Cheating and lying are two bedfellows. Neither produce good fruit. But forgiveness creates opportunity to produce a new crop. I am free from those who have cheated on me by forgiving them. I hope others will forgive me of my wrong doings too.


One Comment

  1. Darla says:

    You’re right for everyone that cheats, there is different situation. I have been around couple that have cheated and although it’s wrong for me to say she or he deserves it, a lot of times I would just think to myself “Well look I the way you treat him or her”. In a lot of these marriages unfortunately the old saying still stands “it’s cheaper to keep her”. Believe more often then not.
    And a lot of these marriages are an inferno.

    Yet there are men like Tiger that, I actually think he has a sex addiction. I know that a woman call tell when a man is a womanizer. Yet for some reason…they marry these guys.

    Men like Arnold, are just perverts. They don’t care who’s crouch they get into. Again…with the past allegations about him, you can’t tell me Maria didn’t know about his flings. I don’t believe that. I’m not making excuses for Arnold. He is a pervert.


  2. Monique says:


  3. Kay says:

    Tommy thanks for sharing that. I can tell it was all truly heartfelt. We have all made some bad decisions in these areas but to now have the moral character to know right from wrong is a blessing.


  4. janine says:

    Wow….when I saw you did a blog about cheating I was thinking “Is he going to admit it?” I was please to see you owned up….I had a friend that was hit on by you when you were married….so I always knew (and I’m sure a lot of other women did too). Good for you Tommy for becoming a grown up. Maybe you can help other men (and women) form your experiences and choices. Still love you!


    1. Little Tommy // Jeff and Jer Showgram says:



  5. Jennifer Vakkers says:

    Tommy…I just have to say that I have listened to you for many years and am AMAZED at your growth. I love it. I truely believe that our past and our past actions carve and create the person we are today. Your past is a part of you and although you made poor choices back then, they have helped shape who are today and prepared you to be the man and the parent you are today. Think of all the people you are helping today with drug use and even with this post about cheating…you make no excuses and just tell it like it is. For that I say a big THANK YOU!


  6. Unfortunately, Tommy, you are right. Both men & women cheat, but it’s easier for a man to cheat because he so less often is left holding the bag. This woman cheats, gets pregnant, and the kid loses, because he doesn’t even know Arnold’s his dad. Men don’t have to walk around with a 9 month belly, so that usually makes more women think twice about doing the do with another man.
    I think cheating is an ego booster & a thrill to sa many people. It’s really sad. Cheating destroys lives & families. I really feel for the Schwarzenneger kids. This is so painful for them, to be expected. I used to know Arnold about 20 yrs. ago. He was always kind to me. I’m sad that it turned out like this.


  7. Judy JOY Bajakian says:

    I have so much to say about this subject being on two sides of this triangle, I have been cheated on, and I have been the other woman. I have been able to keep my commitment to my loved one, but have seen through the eyes of someone I loved dearly how not getting the positive love and attention from his wife caused such a problem for him.


  8. Diane says:

    Thanks so much Tommy, I have been married for 25 years we have two great boys. I am a stay at home mom I gave up every thing so I could take care of the boys and let husband have his career in Calif Dept of Corrections. The boys & I tried to make easy for him on his days off etc. Come to find out he was messing around with a girl at work 4 years ago, he told me it had stopped. Then he wa talking to girls on the computer this would go on for hours family time etc. I asked why we would love to do things with you but you can’t tear your self apart from the computer. He walked out of the door to go to work one day I picked up the phone & called one of best friends he works with & asked him what was going on?? I told him things happenend 4 years ago with thi other person the friend said what I knew about her & I told him & he tells me my husband never stopped.. He told me everyone at work knows and they were just waiting for me to ask once I did they would tell me everything..They tried to tell my husband he has so much to lose etc but he did not care. Cheating has messed up my family, my husband & I are like roommates, the boys do crear to talk to him.. And the sad thing is you would think he would make changes to get his family back, but no he talks to girls all the time on the computer. I am lost,confused, hurt. I woke up on morning and what I thought my marriage was, was not it was all a lie..


    1. kat says:

      Your not alone! I’m going through a divorce right now, my husband as well workds for Dept Of Corrections (Calif)… His behavior had changed gave me nothing but emotional abuse he is of a Narcissist personality… OMG! and I was told by somebody who works there he has told everyone I cheated on him and kicked him out?? bullcrap, He just grabed a bag of clothes loaded up everything that was paid for and left.. My home was foreclosed on me because, I do not make the money he does to of paid the mortgage. But in the end He loses lost a home great family all of it and he is 47 & you would think at this age a guy would have figured it out… But truth is some never do you need to get yourself into a healthy state of mind it’s your life were given one to do whatever we want with it- I filed for divorce I do not want myself to allow anybody to be so uncaring towards me. There are “MILLIONS” of men out here who would just love to have a good woman you owe it to yourself- forget the materials they can be replaced, your telling your kids this is what a relationship is about when you stay in it show them your stron they will be happy your happy. Good luck..


      1. Rita says:

        I can’t believe this is so typical…my husband also works for CDC and same story, it changes them or maybe their true colors come out. but cheating with a co-worker, I guess they think the same- its happening in their own world and no care in the world what its doing to their wife and 3 children for 24 years, it took me a while for my kids and I to make changes in our life, but I had to do it. Your advice is exactly what friends and family told me, it was just the right time and I did what I had to do…his loss!


  9. CC says:

    HI Tommy: Obviously you have grown as a person and that is great to own up, take responsibility and accept the consequences. I am currently mending a broken relationship with my son who is 22. 3 years ago he overdosed on heroin! I am single mom, had just started a new job so I had no insurance at the time. A very good friend helped me find a rehab facility for him which he went to for 30 days. After he came home everything was great – for 60 days. He relapsed, this time I couldn’t get him into any programs so WE did it the old fashioned way – cold turkey. I spent night after night with him going through all of the stages of withdrawal. I also had a daughter in high school and it was a nightmare for her. She adored her brother, looked up to him and after the overdose, she couldn’t even look at him. All of his friends were in shock. My son was a good student, great athlete and still somehow got caught up with the wrong people. I tried to help him but all I did was enable him. He lied to me so many times, I finally had to kick him out a year ago because he had relapsed and lied about again, took money from me and his sister. He was actually going to school and working part time. I couldn’t believe how many kids use heroin. We live in North County and in the time when my son od’ four of his friends died from overdoses.Well he went to live with his dad – who had cheated on me by the way when we were married. I know I am rambling but there are so many things going on in this world and people take each other for granted, take life for granted and get caught up in how they look, money, being at the right club and what happens? All the things we have get lost. I was telling my daughter who went away to college last year and is living in L.A. in an area that is all about materialism. She started to get caught up in it and I had to point out and remind of the things that were important. I told her quit looking at what you don’t have and focus on what you do have. Back to my son, he just celebrated be clean for a year, yipee but is suffering in that now he has all these dental problems because of the drug use. He is losing his teeth, doesn’t have the money to get the help he needs and I can’t help him. Do you know of any programs where he could get some help.


    1. Jennifer Vakkers says:

      CC, Tell your son to celebrate his life to the fullest and congrats on making it to the other side. My brother wasn’t so lucky and I lost him to a heroin overdose. I miss him everyday. Teeth are just teeth life on the other hand is a precious gift. Again congrats to him!


  10. Roberta says:

    As a mother of 6 kids, I have always told them “if you are doing something wrong, you WILL get caught eventually”.
    Here is my theory of cheating.
    If a person cheats once it is most likely a symptom of probems in the relationship which may be salvaged.
    If a person cheats routinely it is a character flaw and bad character is hard to overcome.
    Sometimes a duck is just a duck. Commitment to a relationship is the most important ingredient to that relationship. If one is committed to their partner, then they just would NOT cross the line and cheat.
    It’s sad how many lonely people there are in a time of instant communication.
    We are more in touch than any generation past and yet don’t manage to connect with the partners we have committed our lives to in marriage or partnerships.


  11. nancy says:

    Tommy, you are wise beyond your years, thanks for your honesty. i too was a victim of a cheating husband and to make it worse, it was with my best friend at the time. here i am crying my eyes out to her while she sleeping with my husband, she was also married. our problems has been solvable except for that. that broke the camel’s back


  12. Ron Runyan says:

    Well said Tommy! Idiots we are and the blame always belongs with ourselves. Fact is when we cheat, we (the cheater) always looses in the long run. I think the worst thing we loose is our integrity. I teach at a high school and so often it is not even considered wrong or a sin. It is just normal life. NO IT’S NOT!! We have the wrong standard for normal. I want to put normal back on the RIGHT track. I want to do what is right, not popular or “normal.”

    Ownership is a big deal too. I have to own it when I have cheated. No one else “made me” cheat. I own my wrong doings and I too am so sorry for all I have hurt in my path of selfishness. For me, forgiveness is the most powerful weapon we have against all forms of sin. When we forgive, it doesn’t remove all of the pain or make it all right, but it does offer people a fresh start. I am so greatful for fresh starts! Cheating and lying are two bedfellows. Neither produce good fruit. But forgiveness creates opportunity to produce a new crop. I am free from those who have cheated on me by forgiving them. I hope others will forgive me of my wrong doings too.


    1. Little Tommy // Jeff and Jer Showgram says:

      Dang Ron, Did you write that? WOW. The second paragraph reads like a poem.


    2. Brenda says:

      Wow I love the second paragraph, I almost want to post it as my status for all my friends to read, and of course to help forgive my cheating ex husband.

      When I busted him, I hated the woman, called her every name in the book. Then I realized while she is also in the wrong (she knew he was married) he is the one who took those vows. He had a family which he destroyed. I felt so liberated once I forgave him although he didn’t apologized. My heart isn’t heavy any more and I know it wasn’t something I did/didn’t do, it was him who chose to do what he did. Life is great again.


  13. kathy says:

    As I teach my kids – there are consequences in everything we choose to do. If you can deal with those consequences then move forward, but you best truly understand those consequences. To often we get wrapped up in the “now” what makes us feel good etc…and it takes over our heart and mind and we don’t think of those consequences. We are in a society that wants everything and anything that makes us feel good in the moment. We just need to learn to step back and walk away. Good Blog Tommy – Its’ not easy to put your weaknesses out in public, but it makes you a true/honest person!


  14. Nancy says:

    Tommy, that’s why you’re a good guy! You learned from your mistakes and are honest about what you did. Another reason why I respect you.


  15. Sue says:

    How come I can’t just e-mail you or Laura anymore? Anyway, I would like to attend the Health & Wellness but can’t come @ 10 so hoping anytime is OK, but did really want to hear Judge Powasek and possibly speak to him. Do you know what time he will be speaking?


  16. Linda Harwood says:

    wow! Tommy this was wonderful. I was cheated on after 10 yrs of marriage and I will NEVER trust again. That is the worst, humilating, degradeing thing that someone to do to there spouse. The hurt is so bad, I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. If you fall out of LOVE leave first before you mmove on. Thanks for your honesty.


  17. Jesse says:

    Tommy: it’s deep, but I have to say, I think you left something out: when a person cheats it’s not just weak, it’s not just stupid, it’s mainly selfish. I learned that the hard way. I was blessed to be forgiven, but like you said, a lot of people get hurt really bad. and like Ron said, you have to own your mistake, man up and accept the consequences of your actions.


  18. yvonne says:

    Thanks Tommy for sharing!! Cheating is the most hurtful thing you can do to anyone. You shatter your whole family and everyone you loved. You are so right in everything you said. I hope men and women can learn from this.


  19. HOLLY says:

    Tommy I admire you for admitting this on your blog. I wish my own father had the guts to admit his faults but I guess it is late for him he has passed. For me I guess you learn from the mistakes of others. My father was a cheater and he had the proof, 21 kids and 8 different women. I guess you can go through life and recreate the mistakes of your parents or learn from them. Yes I was cheated on when I was dating and even when I was married I got cheated on. The way I looked at it was that if a person cheats on you then they never really loved the person they are with, so why should I love that person at all. I have to admit it was that attitude that made me want more. I always figured I deserved more than what was given in my past. I learned to love myself more and I prayed alot with all my heart that God would give me the person that was worthy of me and I them. I will have to say that 5 years ago I met my best friend, my soulmate and the person that raises the bar for me. He challenges me to be a better person and enjoy the moments of life. So you do live and learn. Treat others as you would want to be treated. Most of all I learned to thank God for the His love, person I am, the family I have, the person He brought into my life and the blessing to have another day.


  20. cheryl baron says:

    i am on my 2nd marryage for 27 years never cheated.
    the 1st marryage it was 10 years never cheated, but that husband ran around with a 12 year old and i found out when she was 14 i took my 3 girls from califorina and left now i am in wisconsin where i belong


  21. Michelle says:

    Tommy, I know everyone has a story and I’m no different. My husband also ‘owned up’ (when I found out). What he didn’t own up to was giving me HPV. He used a condom. I must have gotten it off a toilet seat. According to the National Cancer Institute, condoms are not protection against HPV. It can be spread through skin to genital contact. Well now after TONS of counselling (marriage, individual, etc) he is truly regretful and our marriage is awesome. This last Monday I found out that I have cervical cancer. It is caused by the HPV. How am I going to tell him? How can he live with the fact that his cheating gave me cancer? How can I? Wasn’t it bad enough that I had to go through the betrayal? Now do I have to give my life, too?

    I just have two things to say to people – if the person you’re with isn’t everything to you, just leave. Plain and simple. It’s just best for you both to start over. And just get your daughter the HPV vaccine!! I don’t give a rats ass what your religious views are on the subject. It probably won’t be her you need to worry about! Just protect her!


  22. xbox live codes for free says:

    Hello there! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I truly enjoy reading through your blog posts. Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that cover the same topics? Many thanks!


  23. Rita says:

    Hey Tommy, you just don’t kmow how something like this will affect you until it happens to you. Especially after a 23 year marraige, your whole world is upside down, stress, trust issues, etc. Its been since ’08 that I filed for divorse for that reason & without an attorney the process has been going on longer than I planned, makes it hard to have some peace. On Wed June 1st I saw you @ Family court walking to table to speak w/ family facilitator attny. I wanted so bad to say Hi but then my name was called only to have this put off AGAIN. Just want to say I hope your day that day went better than mine-for whatever reason you were there for. And yes, we’re the same age & I too have grown up so much that I cannot understand why grown married adults think its ok to cheat & lie!


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